January 2, 2008 Pantoum

The pantoum is an incredible form of poetry that I find very well suited to issues that I have not fully dealt with yet. I find them even more therapetic than artistic but I like them for both reasons. I found a this link to help me explain what a pantoum is if anyone would like to know, and to prove I am not making this up. 

January 2, 2008

If things had happened like we thought,

we would have packed and ran.

Fueled with idealism and naivety;

living  only for love and justice.

We would have packed and run.

We had nothing figured out .

Living only for love and justice;

it seemed so simple in our heads

We had nothing figured out.

Fantasying about a mundane life.

It seemed so simple in our heads.

Living by conviction is never simple or mundane.

Fantasying about a mundane life,

we made bold and rash decisions.

Living by conviction is never simple or mundane,

still I like sleeping with a clear conscience

We made bold and rash decisions.

Nothing turned out as we hoped,

still I like sleeping with a clear conscience.

Never could have known how right we were.

Nothing turned out as we hoped,

but it turned out as it should.

Never would’ve known how right we were,

if things had happened as we planned.

Like Mirrors

My parents had all their children very close in age. I am the oldest, 22 months later they had my sister and 26 months after that they had my brother. There is a lot to be said about having siblings so close in age. Now that we are in our 20's (or very close to it) the gap is starting to close and we are beginning to realize how close in age we really are. An odd added benefit of this is it keeps me in touch with where I was two and four years ago. This serves a double purpose of keeping me humble and reminding myself that I wasn't always the mature responsible individual I am now, and it helps me see how far I've come in two short years.

This is really affecting me right now. I live with my sister so the comparisons happen in my mind constantly. She will say something that I think to myself sounds a little immature and I immediately think about whether I would have said the same thing two years ago; the answer is almost always yes. The more this happens the more I think "have I really grown up so much in two years?" I  have but  my next question is "should have I grown up so much in two years?" That is a question I will continue to puzzle over.