Shh!

I have a secret from the internet, and from almost everyone. Three people besides me know about it. I want to tell people, and I want them to know but the time is just not right yet, so why on earth would I be typing this? Because it has led me to thinking about what a secret means in our crazy little 21st century life.

I am not good at secrets, clearly. I just don't have much to hid from people. I'm proud of who I am. I believe mistakes make us and teach us lessons so I don't mind talking about them. I can keep other people's secrets, it is my own "secrets" that I struggle with. Strangely enough though the most important things in my life I like to keep private. They are mine. In this culture of social media and networking and all that stuff I feel like everything is public knowledge. Everything is for every one to comment on and have an opinion about, but as much as I am an open book there are things in this life that are mine and only mine and not for others to have thoughts about.

I'm not trying to sound like a crazy narrisitic that thinks that people are always thinking about me, but once I post it for the world to see someone is going to have a thought about it, that is just the way people work. Trust me I have thoughts about everything I read. It could be "me too!" Or "really?!?!" or "there are three g's in failinggg who knew?" The point is people will have some thought about what others choose to share.

I'm a nanny so I'm going to compare sharing life events to sharing toys. Sharing can make playing more fun, but sometimes violates a certain reverence for a toy, that special thing that was just yours. There is never any certainty that someone else will appreciate that toy the way you do. Now some toys never carry that specialness. Some it is OK to just share right away, (the "I love peppermint mocha coffee!!!" status of the world) It is the things you've been longing for, admiring from afar, once you have them you can't immediately go around sharing them. You need some time to just appreciate how special it is and you can't fully learn and explore a new toy when other people are looking and playing with it too.

Getting married was the first time I experienced this intentional, somewhat self indulgent secrecy. People have lots of ideas about weddings, they just do and that is fine. My idea is that it is about two people telling someone, whoever they deem it is necessary to tell in order to make it official, that they intend to live their life together and be a family and make choices like a family. This entity could be their god, their government, their family, all of those or what have you. To me it should be the most stress free thing in the world. It should be intimate as it is about intimate feelings and emotions. It belonged to me and I was not inviting the FB world in.

I also think it has something to do with validation. Not telling the world about something for me represents a feeling or rightness. I am so sure I do not need it validated by friends in internet land. This "validation" could refer to a person's comments or just the fact it exist out there. I feel like there is a sense that something is more real if you can lay claim to it in the "public space of the internet." I know the phrase "Facebook official" is a joke but I think it has a seed of truth to it.

I have been contemplating this world were nothing is really secret and people have a sense that they should be privy to everything. The sounds extreme, but admit it, we all get annoyed when someone has a private profile or does not publish her relationship status. Curious minds must know!!!!

I really want this to have some kind of thought provoking, insightful conclusion about secrecy and the internet and privacy and intimacy, but I don't have one. I guess I will end with this. I heard a commentary a while ago I wish I could remember where. The gist of it was that privacy was a 20th century invention and it was no longer relevant. Social networking was the new nosy family and busy body neighbor of the 21st century. I am beginning to think that is true.