I am always a little bit disturbed when I open my computer to do something completely unrelated to the internet and find myself looking at Google within five seconds of it being open. I feel a little pathetic. To be honest I feel pathetic a lot lately. I know I broke my collar bone and that put me out of work, it’s not as if I am in this predicament by my own doing, but it’s their just the same. On top of not bringing home any income and feeling stupid that way, S is always working and I don’t have enough money to go visit any of my other friends because they live too far away so instead I sit home all day on the internet because we don’t have enough money for cable. This means that I get to feel useless even after J gets home. He gets home from super boring temp jobs and when he gets home I have nothing to say to him. I want to tell him all about my day but then when I think about how that would sound and change my mind.
“Hi J how was your day?”
“Boring; how was yours”
“Well I woke up, ate cereal, watched some shows on hulu.com that were so bad I’d be embarrassed to admit that I watched them, then there was a cat on the internet that said “I eated you solez” then there were some crazy text from people I have never met, and for the most part would never dream of being friends with, then What’s her faces status was “eating a muffin,” so then I watched a show about people who try to lose weight…..”
I should at least read/ watch the news so that I can contribute SOMETHING to a conversation. It also doesn’t help that J’s job is “sitting around to answer a phone that never rings.” Thank goodness we do stuff on the weekends so that we at least have something to talk about. The sad thing is our conversations are what drew me to him. I think that’s part of why this is driving me so crazy. To be realistic though, when I worked 45 hours a week as a babysitter I told him about Nickelodeon and Disney TV shows all evening so I guess this about the same. (Interesting side note: Microsoft autocorrected Nickelodeon for me.)
