As the title implies, I hate May. It's the season of graduations and weddings and both are just knives in a nerve. I will graduate, I am done all my classwork and simply waiting on paperwork, but I will never walk. I missed my opportunity for that because I'm awesome. Not that it's a big deal, but that for me is the point. I don't allow anything in my life to be important, or a big deal or even about me for that matter.
That is also the reason I hate wedding season. I wanted like 10 people in my front yard, that was it. Instead I ended up with a ridiculous budget wedding that i'm not really sure how it happened. It's not what J wanted and it's not what I wanted, but life was moving so quickly it was over a year before I realized I didn't even like my wedding. I was just making decisions rapid fire because decisions needed to be made. Again, all that really matters is that we are married in teh eyes of God, our family, and the state of NH, but I didn't allow that to be a celebration either. I was moving through life so fast for a while. My 21st was a complete non event as well.
I'm not really upset with how things turned out but that really only makes it worse. So basically I had to live cloistered in order to get to this place in my life. I find that irritating and horribly unfair.
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