Pre Wedding Myspace

OK. I promised myself I wouldn't do this again, but lately it has just been making me feel so much better about my "issues" that I can't seem to stop for the life of me. I am very overwhelmed about what I am in for in the next 14 months. My fault I know, and I am looking forward to most of this but I am also…. Well overwhelmed is the only way to phrase it.

First of all I have this semester to tackle (a breeze compared to the bear of a semester I had this fall!) And I am finishing up wedding plans (and realizing how short a five month engagement truly is. I only have 101 days left as a single woman.) After my last final I will have five days before my wedding so I will be working and finalizing wedding stuff, having the rehearsal dinner ( bachelorette party? Hint hint) and making cupcakes in a variety of flavors. After that comes a great week in Italy which I am so stoked about. I don't think I will see even close to everything that I want to see.



I will come home from the honeymoon and have about a week until J leaves. I've decided to drive out with him so I'll be gone for like 3 or 4 day just driving to Washington state and taking a plane back just to steal to few more days with my then hubby. (That will take getting used to.) After that I will have a weekend which invariably means I will be working the kind of overnight shifts that prompt these rants.

Then I will hopefully be teaching summer school. This will be a full time job which I will have to pay UNH for in order to receive credit, but it will also be awesome. (I hope.) I will of course be working weekends trying to earn my keep but work will be basically impossible. That ends about the same day James comes home. Then I would really like to take a vacation but I want to see James too so that will really depend on when school starts and other variables. I hope for at least a few days camping in Acadia again because it is beautiful up their.

Then my last semester. I originally had hoped that I would be able to take three classes and get a full time job doing something in a school but that is looking less and less likely at the moment. Oh well. Then J leaves again in October so I guess I will just go to school, work, and visit people when I can because my apartment will be so empty. (HA! My apartment is tiny it will still be quite full with me and Shuppi!) Of course everything I just listed is what I do anyway, but usually I have J to commiserate to every night and I will have to learn how to deal that that. Anyways I will graduate in December and then J will be home shortly after that.

After Christmas I will chilling in Oklahoma for a little (4 months to be exact) where I will at least get a mild second fall of the winter. It does get cold there but nothing like this winter we are experiencing. It stays above freezing. This mild winter will be very important to me since after that I will be moving to ALASKA! Thankfully I will be moving in April when the weather is decent, but no worries the snow starts flying in September and today in Fairbanks (where I will be) it is a pleasant -21 before the wind chill. I will be the most pleasant New Englander ever when I return. (Actually after Alaska we will be spending time in Arizona so maybe not.)

What overwhelms me is that this is all happening in about 14 months. It sounds like enough stuff to be a couple of years worth of changes but no it is all happening quickly. It looks so much more manageable written down than in my head.

I hate May

As the title implies, I hate May. It's the season of graduations and weddings and both are just knives in a nerve. I will graduate, I am done all my classwork and simply waiting on paperwork, but I will never walk. I missed my opportunity for that because I'm awesome. Not that it's a big deal, but that for me is the point. I don't allow anything in my life to be important, or a big deal or even about me for that matter.

That is also the reason I hate wedding season. I wanted like 10 people in my front yard, that was it. Instead I ended up with a ridiculous budget wedding that i'm not really sure how it happened. It's not what J wanted and it's not what I wanted, but life was moving so quickly it was over a year before I realized I didn't even like my wedding. I was just making decisions rapid fire because decisions needed to be made. Again, all that really matters is that we are married in teh eyes of God, our family, and the state of NH, but I didn't allow that to be a celebration either. I was moving through life so fast for a while. My 21st was a complete non event as well.

I'm not really upset with how things turned out but that really only makes it worse. So basically I had to live cloistered in order to get to this place in my life. I find that irritating and horribly unfair.