11 Days

The days are just flying by at this point. I feel like I am running a marathon. I'm constantly exhausted but there is so much more to go so I just keep moving. I'm very proud of what I accomplished today though. I ended services at our current place and got them set up at the new place. I found out that I will indeed graduate in September (FINALLY!!!) I cleaned the kitchen, made pizza from scratch, talked to S and landed at least some temporary employment at in the city.

This job is temporary at the moment because I am going to be babysitting and the mom wants to make sure we mesh, but if we do I believe this will be a very good thing. She has tons of information about the field I want to go into and I think she can help me open the right doors. I feel like this is where I am supposed to be, and if it is then it will all work out.

And of course talking to S was wonderful. She understands everything about this awkward transitional moment we are stuck in, and the frustration that even though we did everything right, circumstances beyond us landed us in a horrible position to get jobs. I am so happy to have her to talk about these things to, and I cannot wait to be close again.

I hate May

As the title implies, I hate May. It's the season of graduations and weddings and both are just knives in a nerve. I will graduate, I am done all my classwork and simply waiting on paperwork, but I will never walk. I missed my opportunity for that because I'm awesome. Not that it's a big deal, but that for me is the point. I don't allow anything in my life to be important, or a big deal or even about me for that matter.

That is also the reason I hate wedding season. I wanted like 10 people in my front yard, that was it. Instead I ended up with a ridiculous budget wedding that i'm not really sure how it happened. It's not what J wanted and it's not what I wanted, but life was moving so quickly it was over a year before I realized I didn't even like my wedding. I was just making decisions rapid fire because decisions needed to be made. Again, all that really matters is that we are married in teh eyes of God, our family, and the state of NH, but I didn't allow that to be a celebration either. I was moving through life so fast for a while. My 21st was a complete non event as well.

I'm not really upset with how things turned out but that really only makes it worse. So basically I had to live cloistered in order to get to this place in my life. I find that irritating and horribly unfair.