Friday January 15, 2010
In an attempt to start writing every day I am going to start with a dream dictionary, at least for today because last night’s dream was haunting to me. Meme and Grampa had a friend over who was some life time army guy. He was a super nice guy, but when he started discussing the army with me I couldn’t hold back how I felt and it made me so angry that a nice person could have such opposite views from me about the whole thing. Eventually my inability to deal with the frustration of the encounter lead to me punching a wall and taking a lot of Clonapin to try to basically put me out of my mind. So yeah, there is some obvious reasons for why I had this dream. On a more positive note I have found that taking Clonapin to help me sleep (by avoiding my nightly anxiety attack) doesn’t have the “never-wake-up” affect on me that it used to have, and that my sex life is coming back despite being on Celexa. I guess that means that deep depression was the cause for those things which is good to learn. Plus J coming out of his own depression is endlessly helpful for our marriage. What a crazy first 18 months we’ve had and it looks like it will be another 6 before we are out of the dark. If we can survive our first two years of marriage we can survive anything.
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